these pieces are the result of my present self as i reach for my past self.

memory is a relationship we all possess, whether we are aware of it or not; it’s why we hoard photographs and tiny keepsakes and old playlists- remembering who we were helps us to know better who we are.

i don’t have many memories- prior to age eleven, i have almost none. i know there should be an inner recorded history, but it seems to have erased itself. this strained relationship with memory is not uncommon for those who have suffered through trauma and made use of disassociation as a coping mechanism. 

what does it mean then, to reach inside and try to coax out what i have hidden so deep- is it worth it, if that means bringing up the bad as well? isn’t it a potential pain, to try to access what i erased of my past self? yes- but with access arrives the potential for healing. 

each of these paintings represent a conduit into the memories i hoped to access throughout the process of creating them. within the surface of the paintings, the carvings offer explanation to my relationship with memory in twofold. as i write my memories into the piece and embed them, the words i carve also erode away at the material. my hope is that the viewer may get a glimpse at better understanding what it might mean to have an inaccessible memory when they are unable to decipher what is written- even though it is all there, simply hidden away.